So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
