Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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