I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You are the jesus of drinking
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
