piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
