omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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