What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
