i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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