U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
