Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
