do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
