Ambien. No doubt about it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
