Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We are two peas in an std pod
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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