I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
