the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
