I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
