btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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