when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
