THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We need to get me chipped asap
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
