they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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