I feel great
I just peed on a car
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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