Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
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i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
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The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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