trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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