1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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