my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize