just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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