I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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