I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
