She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
