So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
