apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
