walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
