Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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