No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
