So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
