I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
