Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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