i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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