i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize