I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
