dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
