I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
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i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize