Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
