So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
