I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dick very happy bro
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
