I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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