I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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