i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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