I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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