i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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