She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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