Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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