Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
