he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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