i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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