She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
